I’m in my head. I haven't written anything in months. Professionally, personally or publicly ( emails, Journaling, Blogging ). My mind is full of air, most of my external emotions (what I show to people & on social media ) are staged. Which is widely conflicting,cuz sometimes I fack it so good I fool my damn self. Adult'N don't really suck.
I ( we) don’t handle shit properly I (we) vaguely describe adult"N ( anything that’s hard) with "rush verbs" like trash or suck and just leave it there like it will go away on its own.
We are one full month into 2020 and I would like to take this time to say Happy Black New Year cuz January didn’t count & proud black history month! I’m not thrilled with 2020, so far it's just a reflection/ reminder that 2019 was “trash”. I feel like I didn't get shit done last year, I’m sure if I sit and reflect I’ll see that I did but I’m missing that “ accomplished” feeling. For 2020 I have scholarly and entrepreneurial ambitions but I’m focusing on self care/ self love, self worth and completing some unfinished ”me projects.”
I Scraped my knees 2019 financially, mentally, and romantically. I’m big bitter about it but low key encouraged by it.
I don't do the resolution thing, I write a list of things to focus on for better. Overall being better in every aspect of me, a better child and student of God, a better being of the universe, creative, friend, lover and family member generally is better then doing something for a while that don't impact your life for the rest of it.
How I’m preparing for a better me:
Now, when I say declutter I mean everything! People, Ideas, saved shit on ya IG, screenshots, phone numbers with and without dust on them, all dat sis. Let go of it, any and everything that is crowding space in you home, mind, heart, soul and social life.
Here is where you create what I call “ happy habits”. Get you a morning and night routine popping. A self love/ self care routine is a great start, it's important to practice doing things that relax you, builds confidence and makes you happy. One thing I've accepted about me is I can't accept happy, I noticed that when nothing is wrong I panic because it's unfamiliar unlike stress and depression. This prep and practice will get rid of that by consistently implementing positive and good feelings.
Welp! Self explanatory right? I had this as step 4 originally but I 86’ed Planning because shit never goes as planned and I end up upset and stressed and it takes too long for me to get past that. So basically Ima just be doing shit and you should to.